Lisa and I would wander the arroyos and could see in the stratifications when there had been a greater runoff than usual because of the larger rocks and shards at a certain level. This arroyo was near an ancient pueblo; so the chance of finding shards was pretty good. Our spoken motivation was simply to go for a hike, but there was always a chance of finding a piece of history. We also liked searching and discovering each other. As with most of my casual friends, we came from abusive families; so we both were curious about how it affected us. There was an interesting aspect which always intrigued me, the need to repeat the abuse for the rest of our lives, (except we were in control now.) As I’ve written, some adult women hate men and sex after their father’s sexual abuse, while others become obsessed with sex. Lisa and her sister became obsessed with sex and her sister Sarah included religious rituals of crucifixion.

Lisa and I picked at the shard and rock stratifications the way we did with memory tidbits of the abuse and emotional reactions. Why we did it was because our lives had been irrevocable harmed by the abuse and every little insight would help alleviate some tiny misery, if we could analyze it and turn it into a reenactment, it would help, and we did that for each other. A non-abused person couldn’t or wouldn’t do it without discomfort or nervous laughter or disgust, which is understandable.

Lisa’s boyfriends, and there were many because Lisa was unable to have a normal relationship, would reenact the intense sexual scenarios with her, but I helped her with the verbal and less sexual content, as she did with me. Lisa was a beautiful slender blond, but her father belittled her constantly and then forced her to strip naked and had sex with her. I had similar initial experiences with my Mother, but after belittling me she would want me to pose naked for her artwork, both had religious overtones, for manipulation. Most people on hikes just walk and look at the scenery, but at some point in our hikes, as I did with other abused women, we would end up naked, for various reasons, to satisfy some past reenactment memory. I intend to go into detail on another web site.


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