ODYSSEY – part 3

ODYSSEY – part 3 ———–


As the armies of the world are moving closer to Armageddon in the Middle East, it may be the last few years to take measure of your life, your direction and purposes. I’ve felt I should write about my life long Odyssey, whether anyone reads it or not. It is good to gain a complete understanding of your life.

– odyssey resumed –

After having sex with that first young woman my life opened up. I still felt it was wrong, but I discovered life wasn’t perfect, the ministers, the professors, my friends, family or world situations, yes, a rationalization. I had to do my best despite all the wrongs and imperfections. I started meeting other women at jobs and at the university. Sex was not a big blocking wall anymore, it was just sex. I still had all my other problems, but I began dealing with them the best I could, which meant the beginning of understanding of my reactions to my families abuse. The girl who was reenacting the rape sexual abuse with her boyfriend gave me the idea to do the same with my families abuse. I began allowing myself to feel my reactions to my artist Mothers abusive whipping, asking me to pose naked for her drawings and paintings of crucifixion, belittling my penis and testicles and my skinniness, which she caused by not allowing me to eat very much. She liked to see all my bones when drawing me.

My girlfriends were young and accommodating in every way. We would talk about how our families treated us; so when I first began suggesting acting out the abuse as a way to overcome it, they casually went along. They had sexual reactions, which was satisfied by having sex, but mine had to do with art, religion and my Mothers sadism. The girls went along as long as it all culminated in sex, which it did since my Mother and her neighbor lady friends all wanted me to take my clothes off while working for them, which aroused me sexually in my early teens, washing their walls, vacuuming and weeding and mowing their lawns. The neighbor ladies, obviously with my Mothers permission, would take their clothes off in front of me.

Anyway, my girlfriends helped me with my crucifixion scenes, but didn’t really understand; so they weren’t that satisfying. Only later when I met Maria, Sarah and Lisa did those reaction scenarios come together.


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