MOODY ———–

copyright 2015, CHRISTIAN ARTIST —————-

Juaqua’s studio was near the Ranchos de Taos church. I had met her at an art festival in Taos and she invited me to come by her home. It was summer and her wooden front door was open about two feet. She lived in an old adobe house because it was on a street with other artists where tourtists just roamed in and out of the studios. I called out her name, probably mispronounced it, and walked in. On her easel was a similar painting as shown. You can tell an artist’s interests or mood by what they are presently working on. This was a very moody picture. The church with the crosses I recognized and assumed the abstracted figure represented herself. She was thin with a long waist and small breasts. As I stared at the artwork I heard some moaning in the next room. I took a few steps and peaked through the partially opened door. The small window, with some stained glass panes, looked directly at the church a few hundred feet away. The light was dim as I scanned the room, obviously a bedroom with bed, sofa and a few tables, but blankets everywhere, even on the floor. Then as my eyes adjusted to the lack of light I saw Juaqua on the bed in the midst of the blankets. I could only see parts of her arm, side and legs. She had her hand down between her legs and was still moaning. She looked up at me with glazed over eyes and said, “stay with me.” Her mouth opened and she began breathing harder. Between breathes she continued, “I was praying… as I gazed… at the church and I felt a tingling between my legs… within myself. I was feeling depressed as I painted my picture; so I came to lay down. Lately… everytime I pray I feel this tingling… what does it mean? “You’re just young and sexual,” I said, not knowing what to say. “No… it’s more than that… I can tell,” she said. I get visuizations of the cross… of being stripped naked, being whipped and then crucified. I see other people looking at me… as I’m naked. I feel as though… I want this… to be seen naked and crucified. I don’t feel these things if I don’t pray and look at the crosses on the church.” She let the blankets fall off her body so I could see her completely naked. She watched my eyes and expression. I could now feel the deep moodiness of her painting, the crosses and her naked body. There is a darkness in the world that threatens to overwhelm the light. It combines within Christians, with deep beliefs and sensitivity, and stimulates the goodness and evil of the crucifixion, through sexuality. To look at the cross is to feel sacrifice and exposed nakedness and sexuality. She finally exhausted herself and rolled over onto her back in a crucified position. “Look at me… look at me…….look at me.” I looked at her and wondered if people are capable of dealing with the crucifixion story, most ignore it and avoid it, but the ones who do lthink about it become overwhelmed emotionally, intellectually, socially, physically and sexually. I went and sat on the edge of the bed next to her and pulled her up into my arms and hugged her for maybe fifteen minutes before she relaxed and a normal expression reappeared in her eyes, but she said, “I really do want this and my next painting will be of myself crucified naked.” I said, “I understand.” As I said in a recent post, many Christian artists have a painting like that on their walls. Juaqua went into her studio, put a large fresh canvas on her easel and began sketching in her picture of herself crucified. I sat in a chair, to be with her.

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